I'm not exactly in a place I ever expected to be in my life.

God hates divorce. It is a painful, emotional rollercoaster that took me uncomfortably close to a nervous breakdown earlier this year. My divorce was my fault. Bad decisions, selfishness and many times a lack of compassion on my part led to this point.

For all of my failings in life, I consider this the worst. I knew God was disappointed in me. I knew that this would have implications and consequences beyond me.

But after having suffered silently for almost a year now, a healing is taking place within me. This post isn't being written to make light of divorce or its destructiveness. It is being written to give glory to God. And now that the door through which reconciliation could have taken place appears closed, I must move on in faith.

The emotional pain of divorce is overwhelming, so much so that it became intolerable. Nothing I did could counter the psychological effects. And as I laid there another night broken and fighting off the latest round of panic that had consumed my mind endlessly for months, I had nothing left but to ask Jesus to take away my suffering.

He showed up. When I awoke the next morning, the psychological strain was diminished. No longer was I afraid. For He was with me, just as He promised. The shame and guilt melted away over time. I was healed.

But with divorce comes financial strain. I knew how much I brought home. I knew how much I had to pay out each month. There was no way it would work. And I found myself worrying again - this time about how I would make ends meet. I had nothing but a large tax bill looming in the horizon. There was no way I could pull together enough money to pay it. I prayed about it.

Jesus showed up again. Somehow the money I needed was suddenly there. I cried and praised His name.

And then I remembered something. I give when there's a need and it's from my heart. I've never believed for a second that God would give simply because I was looking to get. God took $85 that I didn't have but gave anyway for a couple of different causes and turned it into a couple of thousand dollars. Someone needed it more than I did, so I gave it away with no expectations. Before I give the wrong impression, this isn't about my charitable contributions. It's a testament to the true and living God who just wants us to step out in faith. He provides for His children. I'm a living, breathing example of His love for His children.

And because God manifest Himself in this way to me, I understand that I'm forgiven. I understand that He wants me to just reach out and touch his garment in faith. I understand the importance of obedience to His word and have had many conversations with Him about my lack of obedience in so many areas of my life. I can see His work in me. It's nothing short of a supernatural act, believe me.

Step out in faith. Look out for someone other than yourself. If God can show up for me in the midst of my divorce, He will show up for you.

And thank Him for being faithful even when we're not.